Grid Runners (1995) Directed by Andrew Stevens. With Don ‘The Dragon’ Wilson, Athena Massey, Michael Bernado, Michael Dorn and Carrie Mitchum.
Writing a serious review for a film as stupidly bad as Grid Runners, is in itself, a form of punishment. Time slows down for every single one of its ninety-four excruciating minutes.
Don ‘The Dragon’ Wilson stars as cop, David Quarry, who after a botched computer programme experiment, is forced into hand-to-hand combat with the escapee of a virtual reality fight simulation training programme. Stuff ensues. Rubbish stuff.
Not content with boring us half to death with repetitively choreographed fight scenes, director Andrew Stevens feels the need to shove gratuitous tits in our faces at every available opportunity. Attempting to bring menace to proceedings is the big bad of the piece, Dante (Michael Bernardo), a character so powerful that he can speak without having to move his mouth. Moreover, his ‘commanding’ tones belong to none other than Michael Dorn, Star Trek: TNG’s resident Klingon, Worf, in what surely must be a career low.
There are few words that can sufficiently sum up the utter claptrap that is, Grid Runners. Presumably, it exists for contrived reasons surrounding the straight-to-video bank-ability of its star, Don ‘The Dragon’ Wilson. Films like this belong in a very deep and dark hole, never to be seen or spoken of again. 1/5